life lessons

an ode to online....the things you learn in the dating world

let it be known: i have been dating. online. THREE YEARS AGO, i would not have had the balls to tell anyone that - actually, i woudln't have even thought about putting my name and picture on any site anywhere for fear of someone seeing it and outing me as 'online' - a status that most definitely i was TERRIFIED of being associated with. TWO YEARS AGO, i more or less wore the 'i'm online, i'm rad, i'm gonna be findin' me a boyfriend right quick' tshirt and was quick to tell anyone how i was leaping into the dating pool - quick to share juuuuust in case they might, again, see me online and beat me to the punch of telling other people. again, blokcing mechanism. and, a loud one. ONE YEAR AGO, i had a lingering profile and was actively waiting for someone, anyone, to knock on my proverbial dating-door (ie: message me with a witty note that might spark an interest because, gosh knows, i was all to caught up in being 'busy' to take a stand for what i really wanted in a man and make a real effort to attract that....)

since then, you'll be relieved (maybe not as much as I am) to know that my outlook has shifted from the 'hell no!' to the 'hallelujah online!' to the 'meh' to a very healthy place - of curiosity, connection and confidence. most of the time. haha.

and so, in this seemingly life-long experience i have recently reflected on a couple things i have learned and feel compelled to share. because, there is a 'silver lining of learning' and opportunity for reflection around every date - even the ones where the sweet man wears corduroy pants and a Metallica t-shirt.

learning point #1. you get out what you put in. for every 'dang, still no messages', i could only look to how actively - or inactively - i was involving myself in the process. trend in the jess-life is when busy-ness gets the best of me,  my me-life gets the worst of me. the times i had the most fun on dates and met the most interesting people were the times i spent time being interested - and connecting with people that i was inspired by.  good reminder in how to be present to what i want and not auto-pilot my way through life.

learning point #2. i've got a good gut - and it's time to listen to it. that weird pitty feeling in my stomach when something doesn't sound right or something in a profile rubs me the wrong way? LISTEN to it. stop forcing a conversation if all signs point to 'run the other way - don't even stop at the front door to get your shoes!!' - and trust what i know and how i know i want to be engaged. #nuffsaid

learning point #3. life repeats itself, if you let it. goes hand in hand with trusting my gut. when i feel myself not being really 'me' to catch someone's attention - i need to stop. not only am i repeating a bad habit and trying to 'fit a mold' - i'm not valuing mine or their time - which ends up in one too many coffee dates (and normally it truly is just one) and a feeling of 'womp womp' upon departure. i'm moreso me in every interaction now than ever - and have to remember in every split-second-of-doubt to be me, in every moment. all ways, always.

i might be done with the online thing for now - and know that these wee lessons-on-life apply as much in the off-line-love-life - if not moreso. practice, practice, practice.....right?

#workinprogress.

back on the proverbial blog-horse. wait - is that still proverbial?

there have been long hours over the last month.  late (which, coincidentally, when i first wrote the word 'late' just there, i actually typed out 'kate', my sisters' name, who is MORE than top of mind for me right now ------ ahhhhh subconscious brain, how you never cease to amaze me .... but i digress) night dinners. early morning coffee treks to starbucks. crafts.  spreadsheets.  emails.  emails. emails. emails.

one of the most fun experiences in my professional career was also one of the most trying.  and, of course, in that space, a period of time over which i learned the most about me, my personal choice and its impact, and my leadership.  who knew that one month, two close colleagues and three nights of the littlest amount of sleep imaginable would lay such impactful groundwork for lovely life lessons.

here are some good take aways from October that I am taking forward into some goal setting, non-negotiable identification, and all around 'do this to stay functional' listings:

1.  more than just liking it, my body needs (maybe NEEDS is a more impactful way to communicate the brevity here) physical activity.  yes, the whole surgery-no-lifting-hey-dont-run-so-fast situation did play into the non-exercising thing  --- but here I am assuming that this whole month REALLY made this hit home.  and, my brain NEEDS yoga.  focus, focus, focus and intention.

2.  i need more sleep than i tell myself i do/force myself to get so i can experience as much of every day as humanly possible

3.  reading makes me smarter, more efficient, more interesting to talk to, and aids in my continual learning.  reading should NOT be used as a means of inducing a flash coma (read: sleep), and the contents of the book cannot be taken in through osmosis

4.  i like people.  i like talking to people, writing notes to people, meeting new people and catching up with old friends.  im happiest when i am around wicked people doing cool shtuff and living in the happiest state they can find themselves.  i dont like sitting at home solo every night.  it makes me not my best.

5. i miss my chats with my mum, sister, dad, grandma, cousins, best friends, long lost buddies, etc, etc, etc.  being out of touch with the people that know me best makes me feel a little lost.  and i run a LOUD racket about being wrong and a bad family member/friend when i dont give these relationships enough love.

these are a mere few, and looking reflectively, some of the most obvious points of who i am that i am overly identified with.  and, that in using the 'busy' excuse, and putting my happy-needs aside, are some of the fastest lessons to be forgotten/dropped/dismissed.

november poses the opportunity to reconnect with the puzzle pieces that have fallen under the couch.  that means more blogging, longer coffee dates with friends (enjoyable ones too - not just refueling) and more of them, runs, yoga dates, date dates, and weekend adventures.

lookout VanCity - jrob is back - and in search of a seriously cheeky holiday season.

stay tuned

xo jrob