For my RENT loving pals, 1460 days would be 'two million, one hundred two thousand, four hundred miiiiiinutes!' Yes, it's another entrepreneur birthday for this word-loving human; the BIG NUMBER FOUR! Toot toot, woot woot, and lemme say: what the fuck.
Gratitude and appreciation and confetti...yes. And also a big big WTF to how this journey - and this year in particular - has been so jam packed with lessons, challenges, time warps, unfoldings (so many unfoldings), emotional school, business school, deep questioning, wildly affirming...an all around life experience that's asked every single cell in my body what it's here to do, what it's committed to, and what it's ready for.
Over, and over and over again.
I sat down wanting to be as insightful as a four-years-in human could be. Maybe share a couple golden nuggets and/or other sage pearls of wisdom or something...AND. I feel like the long and short of this most recent 365 can be described with two words:
At the kick off of my fourth year of business and the self journey that comes along with entrepreneurship, I was further away from my Self than I'd been in a long time. I summed all the elements of that off course era up in a new year-ish timed ditty on all things life and the general theme of face planting.
What I know is the face plants of yore (because last year is forever ago) set me up to be ready for what was to come; a year of big time inquiry, digging hella deep to find something in the tank to live off of, and asking bigger questions of myself than I think I've ever had the guts to do.
I challenged what I knew about my love, commitment and dedication to freelance life. I watched myself step up to the edge of trusting my instinct, fail hard at communicating what I needed, try and try again. I grieved. I lost myself in some old patterns. I figured out I was in some old patterns. And I started working on some new habits (which...holy HANNAH).
I delivered some big, awesome, meaningful work with clients who care so deeply about creating change, impact and contribution to the world. I let a couple people down when i didn't deliver on what I said I would. I found a niche for my skillset and am leaning into it. I paid my credit card with my line of credit (sharing because #moneyshame sucks). Literally: the MOST highs and lows, ebbs and flows.
A most important AHA was when I started to see what I've had loving friends and clients try and open my eyes to for so long: that I have something to contribute and it's time to start putting THAT on the front burner.
Actually, to make those goals take up ALL the burners on the stove and figure out a way to makeserving and contributing to my clients fuel the fire for what I'm creating. You know; the client work is the natural gas that lights the flame under my creative endeavours (love me a good kitchen metaphor...because #boyfriendcooksbetterthanme and what else would I do with a stove short of pull a Carrie Bradshaw?).
SO after all that, what now? There are two words that speak the most clearly to where I'm at today and how I'm choosing to stare down the barrel of year five:
I'M (SO MOTHER-TRUCKING) READY.
Ready to step into what I've been letting be a soft whisper for a long time: if not now, then when...and if not you, then who? To face my own limiting beliefs with a critical lens and always always ask 'Why not me?'.
To let go of 'Who am I to (insert bold action here)?' and replace it with 'who am I NOT to (said bold action)?' To stay so dang connected to myself, my intuition, my goals, purpose, vision, mission, ALL of me and to follow the YES feeling (aka: light up those electric armpits, baby!).
To work every dang day on silencing the inner gag order I've been operating under and speak up. Say something, share something, stand for what I believe in. Articulate what I believe in.
To write past the fear of being exposed, and to courageously put myself, my work, my experience and truth into the world for more 'ME TOO' moments, more opportunities to give others access to something other than the status quo, and to inspire radical trust in the YOUness in which our individual success and expression lies.
To actively write, to get a literary agent, to create the Walls Along The Way tour and travel to make murals that connect artists to the communities they live in.
SUMMING IT ALL UP, here are my four take-aways from year four:
- Stay connected. My inner climate creates my outer experience. When I'm connected to my Self and make time to move slowly, check in with me, and listen to what that soft voice inside's asking me to do, I act with more alignment and that shit simply feels good. AND, creates the best outcomes for me, my clients, my partner, my family...you get the gist.
- Diversify your income streams. all the eggs in one basket can mean some serious #blerfs if that stream, client or job runs dry. Keeping as many active streams open, while still committed to quality, is the key to the abundance tap a'flowing.
- Make space and time to create for YOU. I'm a recovering creative martyr; actively choosing to put my own creative expression last to support others in getting their words, their messaging, their ideas as infused with value aspossible. Time for the 'both/and', Robson. And dropping the martyr business.
- Be brave enough to go deep. A mentor wised me up to how staying surface in a lot of elements of business and my industry, and talking little about any ONE thing ever could very well be an expertly hidden fear of really going for it, really letting myself be seen, and really sending it. Going deep, creating a level of expertise can still occur while being a forever student. Again, both/and.
So, EFF YEAH Y4. This gem is gettin' real shiny thanks to the friction, the failure, the wins, the whoas, and the every moment life's graciously handing me. Because it's all, in one weird and mysterious way, a gift.
And here we go, year five. With more fire in my loins (wait...guts?) than I've had in a long time, I can't wait to see what this 525,600 minutes is going to hold.