Thanksgiving 2014. Me, my mum, a good friend and a LOT of knitting. A LOT a lot. With the stitching, comes the bitching. And the heart to hearts and just straight up banter. What came up this holiday Sunday was a chat about a choice that I made recently and a question from my sweet friend Lauren about why the heck I'm not on Tinder anymore.
My simple answer was that it's not how I want to find love. So, I needed to change my actions to align with what I really wanted to experience.
*Pause for a returned blank stare*
Lauren: "Tell me more."
What that conversation opened up was a reflection on why it is that life intentions sometimes get left behind for more tangible experiences and outcomes. And, because musings and reflections get my engines revving, here we are.
I would say that I am a results oriented human. I've always understood the 'identify the need/want/goal, take an action, see a result' formula whether I was consciously working on a goal or simply navigating the waters of life as we know it.
What's been easy for me is how this wee formula works with all things tangible. IE:
- Need/Want/Goal: black on black converse high tops. Action: save money from paycheques. Result: have money to buy black on black converse high tops.
- Need/Want/Goal: to cross the finish line at the half marathon in under two hours. Action: follow training plan as provided by Steph Corker (thank you miss) to a T. Result: cross the finish line at 1:59:16. #bytheskinofmyluxtreme
When acts and actions manifest in tangible results—things I can see, touch, wear, etc—I have no problem with committing to the process of making those things happen. What I learned about myself in this past year is that I haven't been as on fire around my commitments to the intangibles: the intentions, feelings, desires that I have for my life - on a soul level.
Potentially a shared experience by some of you (or many?), the first things that I have historically shoved aside when life gets life-y have been the things that generate how I want to feel. Take dance, for instance. I made plans to take class then would let myself get caught up in work (and my ego) and wouldn't go. Yet, what I know to be true is that dance creates nearly EVERY feeling that I want to experience.
It's how I have always been able to stay me. SO, why would I give it up so willingly?
A disconnect. A disconnect in my commitment to the intentions + feelings I wanted for my life and the actions I was willing to take to make those things a reality.
Getting real with the fact that it was up to me to cultivate how I wanted to feel was a real wake up call. That outside of work promotions, opportunities to show up in the community or any other tangible 'thing', there was work to be done to get my inside feelings right - and that it was my job to act like I wanted to feel. Or at least do the things that I knew created those feelings (like dance, yoga, meditation, writing....you get it).
Lining up what I want/what my intentions are with my actions is one hell of a practice of breaking old habits. It's also quite the practice of having to face my 'chicken voice' - that crude as heck cackling voice of doubt, fear and worry that would be happy with keeping things status quo.
But the sweet spot in all of it is that over time, and in making wee shifts towards bringing my intentions + actions into alignment, I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I have ever been before. There's less doubt because I'm living more 'me' and doing things that feel effing good. Real good.
I said goodbye to Tinder so I could meet someone through a genuine, friendship based connection. In the process, I said hello to me. AND know a little bit more about the things I gotta do to keep my head on straight and my heart happy.
Yes, dancing in the kitchen is on that list.
DO IT: Get your list right
Conjure up the ways you want to feel in your day to day and the things you know you just gotta do to keep those feelings alive. Your heart will thank you (so will the people around ya - no one likes a grumpy gus).