I experienced a big (read: massive) life transition just over three years ago. A new city, solo status and wide open social calendar was my reality as I was welcomed into a pretty badass community. With like minded people surrounding me and opporunity a'plenty to get to know Vancouver on a whole new level, my once empty calendar was quickly jam-packed with coffee dates, workout plans and networking events. On a mission to 'do more' I layered on the commitments - what I can now identify as my 'feel less' tactic. The 'do more' turned into 'be more', 'connect more', 'write more', 'date more' - among others - which created some pretty gnarly 'less' activity. 'Sleep less' was a big one, with 'dance less' following close behind. My pursuit of stuffing what I was feeling by adding on more 'things' to life disconnected me from what mattered the most; my friends near and far, my family and most importantly, myself. Yet, while hindsight is 20/20, in the moment,'more' felt like the right and the only thing to do.
I was looking - searching - for an answer to what else I could be doing that would fill the empty feeling that I had through long days of impactful work with fantastic people. All signs pointed to being in the best place possible to learn and grow a career with heaps of potential - yet I looked at myself with disappointment and frustration. How the heck could it be that by having such a full life I felt so empty? My 'more' mentality kept me moving forward, asking for bigger projects and expanding my working days well beyond the norm of the nine-to-five. And then, May 2013 rolled around.
May was a month of #wishbombs. June was a month of adventure; where Iceland was not only an uncharted travel experience but also a first taste of doing less and experiencing more. July was a tipping point where 'more' met 'enough'. August was a month of boldness; admitting that life wasn't working and making the claim that it was worth changing something; and resigning from a job that had supported me through three career changes in three years and never stopped believing in me or my potential. And it was bold to not know what I was going to do next. All I knew is that I was following my heart and getting back in touch with a part of me that I had quieted too many years before.
My last day at work, October 5, came around uncharcteristically fast; and with it, a day that I thought would be marked by tears, apologies, promises and yes, a red carpet and a marching band wishing me well into the next chapter of life. Much like every other Saturday this year, it came and passed without event. No pomp and circumstance, no red carpet, no marching band. Most suprisingly, no remorse and no regret. Let's be honest - there was fear coursing through every vein in my body and a sense of 'what now?' that I couldn't ignore. AND, I felt complete, in every sense of the word.
Now, I'm finding my happy. I'm creating and connecting. I'm writing, sharing, playing in new career opportunities and listening to heaps of really good music. My days are experiments in working some, playing some, drinking too much coffee and getting some time for me. And it's a fine balance - always trying to do what's needed in the moment and know when I'm going into 'more' over drive. Which doesn't come easy, but I'm learning.
So, here goes. I'm re-meeting myself. I'm getting to know the real Me and letting that whiskey-loving, Jess-of-all-trades, Americano junkie out. I'm writing. I'm storytelling about people that I think are interesting. And I'm learning along the way. Lots. Stay tuned for tales of travel, trials, tribulations, celebrations - you get it. There's more to come, always with a side of something to make you go 'hmmm.' Enjoy the ride.